Niggers are retarded. Yes, they are!

Chapter XXVI | Chapter XXVIII | Coontact Menu

Coontact Tale #1,192 (02-05-2008)

Nigger who can't open his locker

I work as a Maintenance, Repair and Operations for a school district. There is this one nigger who complains about his locker getting jammed every day. Now I usually don't fix lockers but nobody else was around to do it. I followed him to his locker and asked him what the exact problem was. He says "muh locka be gettin jamed an wont open no matta what iz do". I asked him what the combination number was and wow, I opened it right up.

I explained that he must have been doing the combination wrong. He says "no i aintz, iz be doin it rite". I told him to show me how he does it. No suprise, he was doing it wrong. I explained to him several times how to do it correctly before he understood. "oh sheet, iz got dis now"

I didn't even get a thank you and he traveled off to class that he was most likely failing. Worthless niggers

and the reply from a reader:
Reminds me of the time I was in Junior High, and the teacher was handing out locker assignments. This nigger she-boon next to me says "I gots to get me a key lock. I don know how ta open no combination". Stupid niggers, can't even open a lock without a bolt cutter or gun. That reminds me, that was the same bitch who used to pinch me, hard, while in class, and I asked her to stop, she said "What's da matta, you don like black people touching you?" F%^$ing niggers.

Coontact Tale #1,193 (02-05-2008)

Nigger Incest

I had this nigger that picks up my scrap metal [ cant find anyone else ] telling me about how his father in law used to screw his daughter [ now his wife ] back when she was a young girl. He really didnt seem all that upset about it to me. I asked if he let his kids be around him and he said yes he thinks he wouldnt do that stuff anymore. I am thinking fuck!

Coontact Tale #1,194 (02-05-2008)

Worlds Dumbest Teennigger?

As you know, a few weeks ago we got rid of another 17 yo Teennigger who some manager wanted to give a chance in our dept. He turned out to be one of the dumbest coons I've ever seen and was eventually dismissed for among other reasons, continual refusual to turn up on time, continual refusal to wear the work uniform, continual refusal to follow instructions.

A few days ago I found out more of just how dumb he was. Very, it turns out. It'd be easier to highlight a few examples.

- One of the managers came in to park, and this young Chimp excitedly cmes over and goes "My Car is better than yours".
"Where is it?", the manager asked.
Pause.
"I haven't got it yet"

- Another manager came to work plastered with hickies on his neck from his enthusiastic partner. Our Hero demands to know "What are those!!"
So the manager for his own amusement explains it to the Chimp.
Now, our Hero always boasts of having a girlfriend, but things like this make it clear he's never had one in his life. Not suprising, considering his attitude.
Heres the funny part. For the next week, he parades around work with some hickies of his own on his neck, except that his don't look like girlfriend marks, his are solid circles. Like a vacuum cleaner would do.

- One of the senior staff catches this Chimp goofing off in a major way, and only doesn't report him for immediate dismissal because they're of similar ethnicities. He's nowhere to be seen while everyones working, and staff are getting annoyed. One of the staff finally locate him, drinking Vodka while reading a porn magazine. AT WORK!

And my personal favourite:
- One of the more intelligent Coon staff is talking with one of his friends, and says something to the effect of "His girlfriend can't do something at the moment because she's bleeding"
Our Chimp Hero immediately jumps in and asks "What does that mean, 'she's bleeding'?"
"If you don't even know that, then you shouldn't be thinking about having a girlfriend!", is the reply while the other staff laugh at his sheer stupidity.
He STILL insists on knowing what it means, while we laugh even harder, and one of the staff reluctantly decides to let him know, and it takes half an hour to make him begin to understand.
And this at the age of 17.

Coontact Tale #1,195 (02-05-2008)

Uh oh, upper level college class coontact!

So I'm taking a 300-level course about the media. The semester just started so we've only had about 4 or 5 classes. So today we talk about an image from the 1950's of a trolley with all white humans in the front and all niggers in the back.

Suddenly, I hear the sound of lips smacking together. This sheboon with nice clothes and glasses (You know the type, bviously trying to imitate a human and look smart) starts saying all this garbage about segregation and its "Contecks". Class had been going on for about an hour, but this sheboon doesn't say a thing until segregation is brought up. Then the discussion goes on to another topic involving race, and she starts talking again. 90% of the class was NOT about niggers, but every time race and niggers were brought up she was the first to "debate" and "intellectualize" about it.

There's more to this story, though. During attendance, the professor called her name (Which was Dominique or some almost human name) and goes "I have to talk with you after class." So class is over, and I pretend to stall so I can hear their conversation. Turns out she had missed every single god damn class this semester. I remember her name, because whenever the professor called it she never responded, henceforth she was always absent.

Typical of a nigger. She misses every class this semester, but the one say she decides to show up she tries to act all smaht an sheeyit.

The response from a reader:
Back when I lived in Louisville, it was my first experience with public transit. A friend of mine handed me a pearl of wisdom that will last until my dying day. He said, "When we don't let 'em sit in the front, they bitch and riot. When we do, they sit in the back anyway. What the fuck?"

Coontact Tale #1,196 (02-05-2008)

Nigs in my pool

So, my wife and I try very hard not to let our anti-nigger attitude show through to our kids. (Our kids are only 4 and 8, I want them to come to loathe niggers solely on the merits of nigger actions, not on anything we say or do. Trust me, if they encounter enough niggers, they'll hate 'em, too.) So, when we encounter nigs in our neighborhood, we try, very hard, to be polite and friendly, and let the nigs fuck themselves up in our kids' eyes.

It usually doesn't take long.

When we first moved to LV, we bought the only house in the neighborhood that had a pool. I figured it would lead to instant popularity for my kids (who are, God bless 'em, destined to be nerds, and need all the social help they can get).

So, we invite the little white kid from next door, the three little white boys and their sister from across the street, the Mexican children from three doors down, and the Salvadorean girls from the house on the other side to come swimming in the pool. (Politeness extends only so far, there was no way I was going to invite the little black kids in the neighborhood. I'll be friendly when approached, but no friggin' way do I approach them.)

Not 15 minutes after all the kids are in the water does this nigsow and her broodlings storm into my yard uninvited. She proceeds to tell her kids to get in the pool. Now, I'm trying to be cool about this, so, what the hell - there's enough chlorine in my pool water that it may be the first time these niglets ever really got clean. They're splashing around in the shallow end, and my wife has the presence of mind to ask, "Can they swim?"

The little niglet girl says that they can, but the sow says that they can't. Then she looks at my wife and says she'll be back in "a coupla hours."

Now, my wife, who has a lot more coontact than I do, due to her job, reacts much more quickly. She's like, "Oh, no. Fuck that. There's no way you're leaving me to watch your kids when they can't swim. I'm not getting sued over you." So she kicks all the kids out of the pool ('cuz the niglets wouldn't come when eveyrone else was allowed in the water), tells the white/Hispanic kids to hang out and wait for a minute, sends the niglets back home to mama (who was pissed that we were sending them home), and then locks the fence, and tells all the other kids that they may resume swimming.

Yay! I love my wife. She's got the stones to take on the nigs.

But I was still dumbfounded. Just barging her ass into *my* yard and treating me like some sort of free daycare service / swim coach. I was fuckin' pissed.

Now, since that day:

1) Her little niglets got into my garage and stole some of my kids' toys. We saw them playing with the toys in the street, and they had the audacity to claim that they found them. Fucking niggers.
2) I made the mistake of leaving my car unlocked one night. (Yeah, my fault, I know.) Coon-ass nigger gets into my car, steals the faceplate of my radio, fucks up the cowl, and tries to wedge the radio out with a crowbar - resulting in bending the shit out of the radio, but not loosening it at all. Apparently, they think that a completely trashed radio is just as easy to pawn as a pristine one, so they didn't bring a screwdriver.
3) One of the kids left the garage door open one day, and all of our bikes disappeared.

Coontact Tale #1,197 (02-05-2008)

Bad day with niggers

Had a bad day (like what day IS good with niggers) today. First, I this nigger I have been talking with for days set up and broke an appt with me to show then a car I gave them dibs on. They never came in or called me. Later the male nigger called me and said "Ah's gwin bah dat cah ifn yoo kin git me approov". I took it's credit app over the phone and no suprise, TNB had shit for credit and can't even afford a hubcap. Called it back and told it unless it can pay a shitload of cash, no car. Thenn the nig says "Ahs gwon git me sum munnee soon, ahs be cawlin yoo back, k?" Yea, right.

Then, I had this HUGE nigger sow and it's nigger illiterate husband come to my place of work for the 4th time talking sh*t and being well, just plain niggery. I politely put up with it because where I work, you have to be courteous to everyone, even obnoxious ignorant niggers.

Every time they come the consume at least an hour of my time with "you got da kes for dit one" and "lemme see dat one". They are unable to converse and rude, totally ignoring me and poking buttons and turning dials like curious apes. These niggers have no sense of money or the cost of things. They came on the lot with a 1992 Ford Explorer with this nigger nonsense. "Ah gonna trade in mah Exploa and gib you $5 thowsan too". (Um, a $100. car and $5K in trade for a $40K new SUV, proof that niggers can multiply but can't add).

So knowing I am wasting my time, I still show the ugly baboons 4 new SUVs and al the features, I give the keys to the husband and it gives them to the fat she-gorilla who tosses it's lard butt into the drivers seat, closes the door and tries to take off! I beat on the window and told it I need a driver's liscence, it then tried to move the SUV out of a blocked in space, I told the nigger that I hope it crashes so I can sell 2 cars ( meaning break it and you buy it) and it finally got out and gave the keys back.

Then it went to a second SUV and TOLD me to get the keys. I went inside and told my manager what I was dealing with and she (another nigger) said to get the keys anyways. SO I got the keys and the fat black blob got back in this SUV andsat there, doing nothing but cranking the engine on and off for 10 minutes, I swear. I finally politely told the nigger to make it's sow stop it. The pigorilla finally gave me the keys back and said they haven't made up they minds yet and will let me know. What a sucky time and I hope I can get the smell out of the leather.

To be even more obnoxious, whenever I ask the niggers thier names the nigger only says "Boon" . I can only assume that thier first names are Bab and She. Next rime I will refuse to assist them at risk of reprimand from my boss, f*ck the niggers and thier TNB.

This is what niggers do on car lots. They bring thier fat butt ugly baboon mates and show off and talk shit. They spend hours doing this and waste your time. When I was in FL we were explicitly told to tell niggers to go away, here in SC, we are told to tolerate thier TNB.
I miss FL so bad, I hate SC. Floridians know that to avoid TNB you have to avoid niggers alltogether.

Coontact Tale #1,198 (02-05-2008)

Just remembered this one

I just remembered this one. It was pretty damned funny at the time.

I had just taken my then 2-year-old son to the doctor's for his vaccination shots. Unfortunately, there's something about being in a car with a stick shift that makes my son, um....slightly ill.

So, about 2 minutes from the house (this is when we lived back in DC), my son pulls his best Linda Blair imitation. I swear, that kid barfed his body weight in the back of my Eclipse. Even during my worst college drinking binge, I never barfed that much in one go.

So, naturally, I'm a little distracted as I try to park. Someone has taken the spot directly in front of my house, so I'm trying to parallel park quickly, and I nudge the car behind me. I think nothing of it, since they're 5-mph bumpers, and I was maybe doing 2.

But of course it happened to belong to the nigger drug dealer who was sitting in front of the house next door to mine. (Side note: When I first moved to that street in DC, I had noticed the dealers sitting out in front of the house. So, I talked to the police, told them on which street I lived, and described the dealers. (Back then, I never would have thought to use the word "nigger" to describe them. I've since been cured.) The cops then said, "Oh, you live at xxxx, right?" Why, yes, officer, it's my house they're dealing in front of. The cop then proceeds to tell me, "That group has been dealing there for years. They've established their power base. If we arrest them, there'll be a vacuum there, and then rival gangs will shoot it out amongs each other to see who gets that spot. Would you rather have drugs or shootings?" Well, FUCK YOU, DCPD. You're supposed to ARREST these fucking coon pieces of shit, no matter WHICH crime they commit. But, I digress.)

SO ANYWAY....of COURSE it was the nigger dealer's car I tapped.

I run my kid into the house, and the nigger's shouting at me. I set my boy down, and his babysitter takes him, and then I turn to deal with the nigger.

He starts telling me about the damage I did to his car. I tell him that I see no damage, and am impressed that the big metal bumper on his SUV took more damage than the plastic bumper on my Eclipse took. He gets all up in my face and says, "You calling me a liar?"

"No, I'm just saying that there's no chance I harmed your car."

He keeps getting up in my face, and I realize that there's only one way to solve this. So I call my insurance company, and tell them what is going on. They say that they'll send someone out. I say, "Hold on."

I turn to the nigger.

"They said that, to file a claim for your bumper, I need to get a police report filled out. Since I have the insurance company on hold, would you mind calling the police, and having them come out and assess the damage? That'd help a lot."

The nigger immediately gets all wide-eyed and backs away. "Fuck it, man, it ain't wurff it." (I have to assume wurff means worth.)

Funny how quick they back off when they think that the Popo might be involved.

Coontact Tale #1,199 (02-06-2008)

Traffic Coontact turns funny.

Peak hour gridlock on a 3 lane road last Monday afternoon.

A somalian (Some Alien) refugee for what reason I am not sure
holds position beside me in traffic at about walking speed in his
shitbox and lets loose with a mouthful of cursing and babble.

I didnt understand most of what he said so I pointed at him
and laughed as if I had seen the funniest thing I'd seen all day.

Little did I know I was about to actually see the funniest thing
all year.

The Nog was upset by my laughter and was attempting to lean
out the window of its car to allow for greater babble volume
when he neglected to notice the vehicle in front of him had
stopped and he collided at about brisk walking pace.

The impact although only small was enough to cause him to hit
his head on the roof pillar which stopped the babble for all of 5
seconds.

I continued laughing as I drove away.

Coontact Tale #1,200 (02-06-2008)

Blinded by the Light / McDonalds Drive thru

I was swinging my son through the McDonalds
drive thru before dropping him of the other night.
This car full of niggers raced around from the other
side of the store to jump in line ahead of me.
As luck would have it my truck ( Ford F150 4X4)
was aimed directly at the side of her small car.
My headlights were beaming, bright as ever,
right in their nigger eyes. They were having a fit,
and the niggletts were trying to cover their eyes.
The momma sow was chimping out and yapping.
All I did was pull up a little closer.adjusted my aim.LOL
they were trapped and had to wait forever until they
were able to pull up.That made my day!!

Coontact Tale #1,201 (02-06-2008)

Wet niggers I got em

Well its been raining here alot hard rain.Anyway i see these 3 niggers
trying to change a tire. Half in the street and half in the parking lot of a bp
I could not help myself i was in a truck that a customer has for sale and
i fuckin put a title wave on them from the street. I hit it about fifty. One
of them threw something at me man you should have seen that chimp out.
It looked like they were brake dancing to heavy metal. Well i pull in my lot
laughin and i see a cop in my office who stops by just to shoot the shit.
I told him what i did and he was crackin up. Then he left i drove by again
and he had pulled up to the niggers and was fuckin with them . Sometimes
life is good.

Coontact Tale #1,202 (02-07-2008)

True Story: Them crazy nigger names

My mom related this story to me years ago.. I remembered it the other day.

At the time she worked for a third party health care service and processed patient applications. One day she comes upon a niglet by the name of "Shettaid"

(I even called her last night to get the exact spelling, that's the closest she could remember, but it was the phonetic equal of "Shithead")

Anyway, she giggles and makes the call for further information for processing. The conversation goes like this:

************************************************** **

(Ring! Ring!)

She boon welfare queen:Hello?

Mom: Hi, I'm calling for XXXXX healthcare.. It's in reference too.. Um, uh.. Um.. How do you pronounce your daughters name exactly?

Indignant she boon welfare queen: IT'S PRONOUNCED "SHAWWTEED!"

Mom.. LOL!

Coontact Tale #1,203 (02-07-2008)

Lunchtime Nigger Meltdown

I must not be living right, I can usually go a month with maybe one negative coontact. This was my second one this week. I only hope they don't come in threes! I had to go run some errands in town today. It was close to noon and I thought I would grab a bite to eat. I have never eaten at a CCPIZZA, but I have been in one for a childs birtrhday. Looked okay.

So I go into the one in my town and scope it out. The staff that are visible are all human and not a nigger customer in sight. Cool. I grab a few slices and some tea and sit by the wall and start to enjoy lunch. The pizza is pretty generic but the price is right, and I am feeling pretty good about it. WRONG!

Here comes the circus! Leading the parade is a buck wearing house slippers and one of those plastic bags on its head. I think they use those for jericurls. I have never really figured it out. Behind the buck are a male/female combo of tween/teenapers. The male is shuckin n' jivin to its probably stolen ipod, and the sow in training is babbling way to loud on its cellphone. Why are these chirren not in school? It is noon on a wednesday! Bringing up the rear are two twentysomething sheboons. Sheboon #1 is pushing a stroller with a shitlet and wearing purple curlers in its scalp. It looks to be 200lbs plus. Sheeboon #2 is about 50% larger and appears to be huffn n' puffin so hard it can barely lift its hooves. Circling around the sows like satellites circling a planet with a huge gravitational pull are 3 turdlers about age 4 to7. They look dirty.

So I quickly got up and grabbed a couple more slices before the buffet got contaminated. Thankfully they sat about halfway across the room from me, but I still got to enjoy the monkeyshines and tnb.I thought I would go thru my mail and watch the show. I am sure you all know the drill. Sodas for the 3 adults, water fo de teenapers and turdlers, and pizza stacked to the hilt.The turdlers were alternating between cramming as much pizza as possible into their gaping maws, and annoying other customers. There was an older couple with two preschool age girls, that looked like grandparents with their grandaughters while the parents were at work. The niglets homed in on them to torment. They kept running over to their table, arms spread, yelling like they were airplanes going around them. The adult niggers seemed oblivious to this as they were yakkin on dey phone, beboppin to hiphop, or gettin they feed on. Except the buck kept going to sleep. I really think it was nodding out on opiates.

Of course all of them were suckin on the three adults sodas. Finally an employee came over and told them he was going to charge everyone at the table for a soft drink. You would have thought it was the end of the world. Even the opiated buck woke up to join in on the chimpout. It seems that "dey would be takin dey bidness elsewhere from now on".

What came next is about as pure tnb as it gets. They sort of got amongst themselves niggerbabbling to one another. They went back to the buffet line and stacked there plates with enough pizza to feed a whole starving nigger country. They went back to the table. Took ONE BITE from each slice and threw them on the plates. They got up and shambled out niggerbabbling about what horrible treatment they had gotten!

Coontact Tale #1,204 (02-07-2008)

Nigger Blew Snot

In my hanker chef. When I was a little fellow about 7 and still living in nigger land [ Detroit ] I was walking home from school and this big nigger about 14 or so took my hanky out of my top pocket and blew it full of yellow snot and stuffed it back in my pocket inside out. I was speechless and helpless to do anything about it at the time. My mother was furious after I told her but dont remember anything coming of it. Funny I can remember this like it was just yesterday. What a sorry son of a bitch to do that to a little kid.

Coontact Tale #1,205 (02-08-2008)

Asian Buffet

We went into town today, and ate at an Asian buffet for supper.
The place was new & clean, and the grub was pretty good.
In the back of my mind, I was wondering if I would finally have a coontact tale for the forum, but much to my happiness, there was none.
Until I go to pay the bill, and look at a print out image (from the security cam) of a groidle of niggers taped to the wall, with a caption that read: "These Low Life's Walked Out On Their Bill!"

I'll definitely go back to that place!

Coontact Tale #1,206 (02-08-2008)

Ooops!

I was in a car boot sale a few months back and this nigglet was running around barging into people and causing hell. A little White kid was with him but after a few seconds he noticed they were getting in the way so stopped what he was doing and went back to his mother.

The nigglet just kept running around, bashing into people and knocking stuff off the stalls. As he ran behind me, I somehow accidentally stuck my foot out and he tripped over falling flat on his face with a rather satisfying thump. He lay there stunned for a few seconds then started crying. His father glared at me and me and my mate looked back at him - my mate being rather large, sporting tattoos everywhere and wearing a Hell's Angels support gear t-shirt. The nigger buck just walked over, picked up the turdlet and walked off.

Needless to say it made my day and I got quite a few smiles off those around me!

Coontact Tale #1,207 (02-08-2008)

A friend of mine's wife works at this store in a tourist area. They buy skirts worth $4 and sell them for $70. Whenever a sheboon comes up and asks "how much be dem skirts", my friend's wife tells her "oh, you probably couldn't afford them."

Then to prove a point, the sheboon will buy 5 of these (way overpriced) skirts!

Coontact Tale #1,208 (02-08-2008)

"Youz be raciss!"

It seems like every time lately I go to my favorite liquor store down the block from me, there just has to be a nigger there making some sort of monkeyshines. Today's monkeyshines were pretty great, and I do believe you will all get a kick out of it too.

I get to the liquor store and go get myself a pop and a candy bar, wait in line so I can get my smokes and some pizza, and I see this old ass niggerbuck of about the age of 50 to 60 in human years come in and wait by the lotto counter. Usually at this store there is only one person working cash/lotto and another person making sandwiches/cooking pizza. So the clerk is ringing people up and moving the line as fast as he can, and he even tells the nigger "Just one second" so there wouldn't be any niggershines. But that didn't help. The nigger started to get antsy since he gotta be havin his lotto tickets an shit. He tells the clerk "All iz need is a few Easy Picks." The clerk decides to hold up the line of humans to appease this nigger and get him his lotto tickets so there wouldn't be a chimpout. Now none of the human customers have complained yet about this jig...but just wait...
The shitskin asks for an easy pick, then starts filling out about 5 bet slips and tells the clerk to wait there while he fills them out so he can be rung up immediately. This did not go well with us human customers. One of the regulars I see in there often yelled at the jig, "Why don't you wait like the rest of us?" (The clerk was already ringing up the line of humans anyways, no way was he gonna wait for a nigger. The nigger wasn't paying attention to anything anyways.) The nigger called back something completely unintelligible in niggerbabble. So I duck down behind the rack of chips and say: "We don't have any fried chicken or watermelon here, go home!" And the chimpout ensued. It was great. He starts flailing his arms and ook ooking and just acting like a chimp. You couldn't understand a god damn thing he said. The whole time there are people laughing their asses off and the clerk is chuckling while he is ringing the people up.
I finally get up to the front of the line (there were a lot of people there on the lunch rush today, it usually isn't very busy.) The nigger finally decides he isn't getting anywhere with his chimpout and says to the clerk, "Youz all be raciss I be callin da owner on you!" What he didn't know was, it was the owner, and he hates niggers almost more than I!

Good times...good times.

.

Coontact Tale #1,209 (02-09-2008)

Hilarious moving-day coontact, 1999

My buds were helping me move to a new place, we're in a pick-up on the way over with another load, coasting up to the stop sign. A buck and two sows were crossing an intersection on foot, heading to the bus-stop, and a dude in another car gave them the finger when they were all looking. Instant chimp-out, then they looked at the truck, and I already had my finger up!
That's probably the moment those niggers will never forget, or speak of again if they're still alive, which is doubtful.
They know what they are, and they know everyone else knows too.

Coontact Tale #1,210 (02-09-2008)

Broken Niggeradar

My niggeradar must be seriously messed up because it has been nonstop tnb for me this week. So why should yesterday be any different? I had to go to the bank and then the grocery store. I went to the bank, did my business, and was trying to leave. The drive out is really only large enough for one car to exit at a time. I was trying to make a left. Well here come laquisha in its beat to hell century, niggerbabbling on its sheboon appendage, de cel fone, trying to squeeze thru. I am sure I dont have to tell what happened next. Of course, it hits the back right of my car. Just fricking great!

I motioned for it to back up, which it reluctantly did. There was no way I was going to pull out and let that nigger get away. We pulled back in and parked. I was first out because it took awhile for it to get its 300lbs+ ass out de cah. I went back and looked and sure as hell it had taken a good bit paint off thr plastic bumper, just enough to make my car look like a niggers, but probably not a lot more than my 250 deductable. I asked why it could not wait 30 seconds for me to pull out. It said oh sorry it was in a hurry.

So I tell it we need to exchange info. Okay now, everyone say it with me, you know its coming.NO INSURANCE. Also no dl. IT said its papahwook bes at home. Oh yeah, I really believe that.Then it hands me a ratty looking business card for some frickin cosmetics it sells. I tell it since it has no info, I am calling the popo. That is when the chimpout starts

"Oh pweese Mr man, doon caw de popo. Wes can be wookin out ohseves" I told it sure, put 1000.00 cash in my hand right now and we drive away now. "Wells i can be gettin fo you tamawas" I pull out my phone and dial 911 The sheboon gets in its shitroller and drives on out as I take down its plate #.

A black and white swings by and takes all my info. I ask him to give a copy to Detective ....., and have him give me a call. Detective.... and I have been friends since first grade, and he has been with local pd for over 25 years. I talked to him for a few minutes yesterday and he said he would have someone take care of it.

This morning he called me back. The sheboon has a suspended liscense, and also a warrant for failure to appear in court on a shoplifting charge. It is also on probation and has not been keeping its appointments. He said he will get withs its po and see if they can pay it a visit sat morning as that is a good time to catch "people" at home.

Coontact Tale #1,211 (02-09-2008)

"Because you're a thieving nigger sow!"

More grocery sto' coontact. As we were entering the grocery sto' I see security leading this nigger sow away in a hammerlock. The sow was chimping out, claiming "Ah din't do nuffin!" (When you hear that you know the nigger is guilty as sin.) Two little weffachek niglets, Heckle and Jeckle, followed the sow, screaming cuss words at everybody. I heard the guard say, "I saw you steal that." "Now ma'am, you don't want to make a scene." The sow squealed "Yes I do wanna make a scene" and said to me "He'p me! Dis rayciss grab me"

I looked the sow in it's feral yellow eyes and said, "It's because you're a thieving nigger sow!" I gave the thumbs up sign to the guard and walked away, smiling. I didn't see another nigger for the rest of the time.

Coontact Tale #1,212 (02-09-2008)

Nigger cries racism at gym

So today I'm at the gym lifting, and two niggers stroll in. They start lifting and babble loud enough so the whole place can hear them. Then after awhile I hear the one nigger ask the other nigger "yo, why aint dere any rap playin up in dis place?". The music system they have playing there usually plays mainstream rock/pop songs. So I finish lifting and go to the counter to buy some protein drink mix, and the niggers are there talking with one of the owners. I listen to their conversation and here the nigger say "how come yall aint be playin no rap up in here? youz don like black poeple?" Before the guy at the counter can respond I say "Rap isn't played in this gym because this isn't a ghetto and bl*cks rarely come in here. I am almost positive that nobody would want to hear that trash playing anyway." The nigger just stares at me as I buy my protein drink mix and walk out.

Coontact Tale #1,213 (02-10-2008)

I'ss 'Leckhsun Time! Mo' Moneez!!

So I have to drive through this mini-niggerhood to and from work every day. (Well, I don't HAVE to, but it's a nice traffic dodge.) And, every day on my way to and from work, what looks to be pretty much the entire population of this 3-block stretch of 64th St is congregated on a single front lawn. Dey's bee laffin 'n drinkin' dey fo-tayz an' jes' breezin dey way troo life. I'z jes SHO dey'z alluz wondrin' wha's all de comin'z an' goin'z ub de white folks drivin troo dey hood every day beez all about. (I'll give you a hint, monkey: we're WORKING to pay the taxes that support your lazy asses! Capiche?)

By the way, occasionally I have go through there during the work day, and sure as Shinola, there they are, just as oblivious to the idea of getting a damn job as they are to my thoughts of buying up all their land and putting in a shopping mall right over the top of their yard party ('ceptin de gummint prolly won't sell...). Point being, they are there EVERY day, ALL day.

Now that I've set the scene, let me say that there is one very special time that I have actually seen these yard-apes (God, what an apt term) do so much as stand up. Can you guess what that might be? Well, Hallelujah, i'ss 'leckshun time! Yep, there they are, out on the street cornaz wavin dey Obammy signs, and signs for all de comish'nuhs dat beez promisin' to keep de gravy train flowin'! One time I even saw some white "lady" putting up political signs in their yard, WHILE THEY WERE SITTING THERE DOING NOTHING!!! It must be nice to only have to get off your ass and do something even remotely resembling work every once every 2 years!

All I have to say to you worthless parasites is YOU'RE WELCOME! (Not that it would occur to you to thank me for making your living too.)

to which joshrandall replies:
I remember once when i worked for the CTA(Chicago transit) at a rail car repair yard;it was in a nigger hood,right across the street from a sho-nuff nigger housing project! Its rare that a human,specially Y-T,gets a close up look at the goings on in a nigger housing project! I would sometimes stand in the yard and gaze across the street to the project,and marvel at the endless niggerbabble and shennanigans that went on ALL NITE LONG! You could be out there at 3 AM and it was going full blast;deafening noise,"music" peple yelling and screaming,niggers laughing and yelping...what a nightmare! I guess they werent too worried about getting up for "schoo" or God forbid,work!!!

Coontact Tale #1,214 (02-10-2008)

Update from the hospital: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

Thank God, only a week left before my next rotation, here's a few stories from the past week. Sorry, it's another long one.

The Good:
In a funny way, being a niggermaniac actually earned me a compliment. To avoid any physical contact, either with my skin OR clothes, I always wear a gown and gloves when I'm with any patient. They tease me about it, calling me a paranoid medical student, and I let them think I'm afraid of catching something, but the other day, one of the Infectious Disease docs said I was setting an example for infection control.

The Bad:
A teen sheboon comes in complaining that she "gots sumfin stuck up in my cootchie". These were her exact words. There's absolutely NO shame. Of course, being the most junior student there, I get to look for the lost object. Not one, but TWO condoms. I suppose she's trying to be responsible, at least she's using them

The Ugly: Warning, this is graphic, if you have a weak stomach DO NOT READ THIS!!!

A family brings in their father, complaining that "Daddy foot be stanky". As part of the history, I asked how long it was going on, the reply-"maybe a mumf". Why wait so long? The answer "Da funk was so nasty we caint eat wif him in da room". OK, down to business. Gown, mask, and gloves go on, get the shoe off, and I can tell already that it's going to be real bad. A trick someone taught me is to put a few drops of wintergreen oil in the mask, and it hides almost all odors, but this overwhelmed it-I actually was gagging, and I've developed a fairly tough stomach. Green pus was oozing through the sock. I called the doc in to see this, and he had me cut off the sock. It was stuck pretty badly, he gave a tug and one of the toes actually came right off, with the sock This guy had gangrene almost to his knee, the family let him sit at home with his foot literally rotting off, but couldn't be bothered to get help until it interfered with their dinner. And of course the family is blamin US that he's getting his leg amputated and will probably die from the infection. Not one shred of personal responsibility.

I'm SO GLAD I'll be out of here soon

Coontact Tale #1,215 (02-11-2008)

My Daughter Shuts Down A Teenaper

My twelve year old daughter and I just ran up to the closest conv. store to grab a newspaper and few other items. I get my stuff, and my daughter grabs one of those mags with all the pretty rock n rolls boys on it. We go to check out and there is a sow in training counting out pennies for an ice cream. Could not really tell how old it was, but it was taller than my daughter by a half a head, and easily outweighed by fifty lbs. It was definitely old enough to already have a couple of niglets at home. Anyway it was 23 cents short. It axed the clerk if it could pay next time. The clerk said no, that it already owed them. Then it turns around and axed my daughter if she had a quarter. She simply said, "I sure do". The nig axed if it could "borrow" one. Without missing a beat she said, "hell no, I have to do chores for my allowance"! I thought wow she is going to provoke a chimpout! But instead the nig puts its nappy head down slightly and shuffles out to mammy waiting in its hooptie.

When we were riding home she told me that the few welfare niggers at her school are constantely hitting up the human kids for change to get snacks with no nutritional value at all. I asked what she did and she said they do not ask her anymore, because the first couple of times they did she said some version of what she said to the nig in the store. She added that the kids that gave in now get hit up fo change daily. I said something like money is to hard to come by to give away. She said, "yea, especially with a tightwad like you for a father" I guess she shut me down too!

Coontact Tale #1,216 (02-11-2008)

She-boon stink!

Yesterday I came into work and noticed the strong odor of what seemed to be rotting fruit. As the stink got stronger I notivced that it was preceding this little nigger she-boon. The stink was awful and made my eyes water and throat close up. We have a waiting room for customers, but this restless coon insisted on walking around the building. I had to apss it one more time and put my vest over my nose to mask the smell, no luck. It started to walk towards me like it was going to ask me something and I made a bee line to the back rom to avoid it. I noticed not one cologne, but it was wearing TWO distinct colognes that conflicted with each other. Nasty nigger.

to which flattenedsprog replied:
Niggers love to say that humans "smell like wet dog".

Okay, fine. Sure beats walking around being covered in piss like niggers are. Believe it or not, and this has been mentioned many times here, that niggers actually sweat piss out of their pores. They ferment in all that piss covering their primate beings, which is actually called "moult".

Physically speaking, niggers sweat so much of this stuff that it's the equivalent of having numerous people piss on them and not give a shit.

Coontact Tale #1,217 (02-12-2008)

Sheboon pisses in the truck!

A follow-up to my last new topic in this forum, again from working on a road construction crew. We were working a detail on erosion control that required that we rent some niggers from one of those work-a-day, get paid-a-day places, I'll just call them "rent-a-nig" places. Earlier in the week I had run one off the job site for pure negroid worthlessness, but amazingly we had a couple that were hard core niggers and would actually get shit done. It was pretty neat really cause every time we checked on them they weren't doing shit, but there was always progress being made on their project.

We had rented a whole slew of niggers and had them working at several different projects along this four mile stretch of highway under construction. This meant that occasionally one group would finish their project and we would need to transport them to the next project, which could be a couple of miles away. So while I was operating some equipment in support of one project, the boss collects up several of our rental nigs to carry them to their next assignment. He drove a little pickup and one nig always got to ride in the cab, and the rest in the back. He picked up three or four of them and this sheboon jumped in the front. She was in bad shape. That bitch was rail thin and had really bad teef, like she was on the pipe or something, and she was always fidgeting around and acting like she was in withdrawals or some such.

So anyway, she's is sitting over there fidgeting and shit and the boss got a whiff of a stank he never experienced before. He said it was like a rancid combination of cat piss, shrimp nets, and dead shit along side the highway. So he looks over and she is wiggling around funny and he asks what's the matter - and she said she went to the baf-room. He said she could use the porta-jon when they stopped and she said no, she done went. When he got them to the next project site she rolled out of the truck and there on his cloth seat was a puddle of sheboon extract!

He was like, WTF?!?!? Couldn't you f'ing hold it!?!?!? That sorry neggress had to work for another three or four hours in piss stanky wet britches. That night the boss had to take that seat out of his truck and soak it with a freaking garden hose to wash the filth off it. We still laugh about that one. Well, at least I still laugh about it. And that was the end of the niggers riding INSIDE the truck.

Coontact Tale #1,218 (02-12-2008)

Another Gas Station Coontact

Earlier I had to go get some gas from one of my local fill stations. I pull up and go pay for my gas, and I go to pump it. It was at this time I noticed that the car next to me was filling its tank with the engine still running! I didn't see the owner of the vehicle anywhere and I yelled to my girlfriend who was sitting in my car that the person next to us was going to kill us all by pumping gas with the engine on. At this point the "owner" of the car emerges from somewhere in the car and its a lanky she-boon with a stupid grin on her face. She mumbles something about "don't you hates it when dey do dat!" I said, "No, you are stupid for filling your car with the engine on." She just gives me the same old hard nigger stare, and puts the pump back in and drives off. Thanks dumb nigger...you could have killed us all.

She was probably too busy talking to her baby daddy or smoking crack to pay attention to what she was doing at the pump.

Coontact Tale #1,219 (02-13-2008)

Making little niggers happy

I was driving out of the local Target store parking lot when a teen-nigger jumped in front of my van. I almost hit it but I slammed on my brakes. Then the little he-boon ran over and asked me if it could put an obongo bumper sticker on my van. I of course said no. When it (the nigger) started to argue with me, I noticed on my passenger seat I had a stack of junk mail, including KFC coupons. I handed the KFC coupons to the nig and it said "damn! Thanks man!" and went running off. Ah yes, the future of our country.

Coontact Tale #1,220 (02-13-2008)

A Few Years Back

Some years ago I was in the position that I had to use public transportation. For the most part, where I lived it wasn't so bad, and I managed to avoid any direct/personal coontact, particularly if it were to be dangerous.

One day, I was on the bus, and I believe it was pretty full. Still, it was very quiet, and everyone appeared to be minding their own business, both niggers and humans alike. In fact so quiet, most of us, I believe got pretty relaxed. Until, out of nowhere....this shrieking foulmouthed sheboon began screeching the most nasty, vile cursing and swearing I'd ever heard. We all turned to the back where the noise was coming from. It turned out some stick she boon was talking on her cellphone, and from all the threats of castration and physical violence that will remain unmentioned, I will have to say she was talking to her boyfriend. We all just kind of turned and looked at one another. Fortunately she got off at the next stop. I heard more about her and his genitalia and sex life than i ever wanted to know about any niggers. I wish I could remember exactly what she said verbatim, but it was the shock that got everyone.

Coontact Tale #1,221 (02-13-2008)

Road Crew Coontact

A few months ago they finished widening the highway in front of my shop. Before that a nigger appeared and one of the foremans told me he was in charge of all the concrete work such as curbs and drainage ditch's ect... I approached the nigger to ask him a few questions about what they were going to actually do in my area. I made mention that I noticed all of his crew was Hispanics and asked him why. He said without pause and I quote " hell man you cant find any niggers that will work anymore" I kinda laughed and shook my head in agreement.

Coontact Tale #1,222 (02-14-2008)

"'Scuse me, Sir."

Yesterday afternoon I had to venture into the bowels of niggertown on business. I had no choice but since I was forewarned, I decided it best to wear my favorite outfit. Jeans, sweater and my black shoulder holster with my 9mm in it. (Again, thanks to you maniacs for getting me off my lazy ass and getting a gun and my CCP!)

I'm not out of my car for 10 seconds when this 20-something buck spies my white ass and makes a beeline for me. As it's getting nearer it says, "'Scuse me, Sir....."

I cut him off right then and there by yelling at him, "Don't even fucking think about it!"

The look of shock and amazement on his face was priceless! It didn't know what to say or do so it turned around and shuffled on down the street. I just stood there on the sidewalk watching it until it was out of sight as I didn't want it messing with my car.

God, I hate niggers

Chapter XXVI | Chapter XXVIII | Coontact Menu