I Am A Dildo Part II

Omar's Emails Are Bright White

My Emails Are Bright Lime

My Comments Are In Yellow

We continue with Omar's big adventure!

Subject: Re: Thanks for your concern.
From: "Katrina Peters"
Date: Mon, November 3, 2003 2:42 pm
To: Omar
Priority: Normal

Dear Omar,

Glad to hear you are finally getting things on track I am looking forward to sharing the photo's of the warehouse with Mr. Cranium as he is very anxious to view them.

By "box of electronics" I am guessing you are making reference to our mailbox size? Goodness, we own our own server and practically have unlimited mailbox sizes so don't you worry about attachments.

I need to go will be hack in the office late this afternoon and hope to see your submittals then.

Take care.

Katrina Peters
Vice President Sales
Australian-American Oilator, Ltd.

You will notice that Omar didn't keep up a steady stream of email per Mr. Cranium's direction but on November 3rd he was busy getting his warehouse space together and taking photographs so I decided to cut him some slack. I directed that Australian-American would require the warehouse to be cleaned up and freshly painted which he said he was in the process of hiring done.

Subject: From Omar.
From: Omar Ntoum
Date: Tue, November 4, 2003 2:51 pm
To: Katrina Peters

My dear Katrina,

Kindly confirm me if you received the attachment documents sent to you yesterday.

Regards,

Omar.

Now it is time we instruct Omar to hold up a sign proclaiming "I AM A DILDO". Now Omar is nobody's fool and he isn't just going to hold up a sign without knowing why so I explain it to him. The photo at right is the example I sent Omar explaining it was a company wide thing all our salesmane were required to do. I also blinded him with talk of money.

Subject: We received attachments and everything looks great!
From: "Katrina Peters"
Date: Tue, November 4, 2003 4:13 pm
To: Omar

Dear Omar,

I am pleased to confirm we received your materials yesterday and I am happy to announce that it looks as we are about to do business!

Our contracts department is setting up your account and as soon as I receive the signed contract (signed by our team as you have met your obligations) I will fax it. I expect to have it back by the end of the week.

All of us at Australian-American Oilator want to tell you how pleased we all are in your deciding to join our organization.

Of course we appreciate the fact that you are incurring expenses with the purchase or lease of the warehouse space not to mention the cleanup and painting we trust you will do.

Please review our email of Tue, October 28, 2003 1:28 pm to wit: "Once your paperwork has been processed you will be required to oversee a small company account in the amount of $12,000.00 Australian (the current mid-market rates as of 2003.10.28 13:21:49 GMT $12,000.00 AUD Australia Dollars = $8,440.10 USD United States Dollars 1 AUD = 0.703342 USD 1 USD = 1.42178 AUD).

This money would be wired to you via certified bank draft or, perhaps, personal delivery. While this money would remain the property of Australian-American Oilator Company, Ltd. it would be placed under your trust and control to cover incidentals such as shipping and minor expenses at your end. It must also be understood that should you elect to leave Australian-American Oilator you will be required to return any and all unused funds of this vendor controlled account."

Once your account is fully approved and setup within the system we will invest the above monies with you in your account which said amount I trust would more then offset the cost of warehouse space and cleanup.

So that you can plan and meet your fiduciary responsibilities I see no reason this can not be accomplished in the next 10 to 14 days.

Australian-American Oilator has set up a peer group of distributors that you need to join at no cost to you. The Name is "Industrial Machinists And Development International League Doing Oilators" or IMADILDO for short.

While not accessable to the general public we have a website devoted to IMADILDO inductees where stocking disributors, such as yourself, can can contact one another to solve problems and share ideas.

On the site, I will provide you the URL as soon as your contract is approved, all of our team members (you are a team member) have photographs of themselves holding in from of them a simple sign proclaiming "IAMADILDO"

So I sent this photoshopped example photo to Omar of the top Australian Americans salesman in New York telling Omar we wanted something similar you know... a dynamic area like a downtown street or shopping center. We were looking for a place that would exemplify what passes for marketplace dynamism in Africa.

In case you are wondering Omar's photo's are not photoshopped.

What members have done is simply print the attached sign (pdf file), turn their computer to the American Oilator Site and holding the sign in front of them have their photograph is taken so viewers can see the website and you standing beside it holding the organization sign.

I would really appreciate if you would do this as soon as possible.

Thank you so much for all your hard work and efforts!

Katrina Peters
Vice President Sales
Australian-American Oilator, Ltd.

Not being unfeeling I attached a pdf file so the sign would look exactly like all the other employees were holding.

Subject: Thanks for your confirmation From: Omar Ntoum Date: Wed, November 5, 2003 11:42 am To: Katrina Peters

My dear Katrina,

Thanks for your encouragement e-mail and appreciation.

The God Almighty will reward back million time regarding your concern on my person. Your family will never lack good things generation to generation.

Please extend my greetings to all members of the Australian-American Oilator especially Mr Richard whom God has touched to accept what ever proposition you have made on my person. I will do my best to make sure I promote the Company to unlimited base and as well give them my support morally, spiritually and otherwise. I will definitely leave no stone unturned until the major objective is achieved besides what ever you want me to do for you in African never ever hesitate in disclosing to me. Of course I will absolutely give my provisional support any time any day.

Frankly you are now to me as a Mother Sister and wife.

I have spent so much money in buying the Ware house so if there is any other products you can possibly realise within your area of operation do because in Gabon every Item consumed in Gabon are imported.

Please my dear can see your picture as well/including your abbreviate autobiography.

I wish you long life and prosperity.

Meanwhile when are you going to provide me with the URL as already mentioned in your last e-mail?

Regarding the Certificate, kindly explain to clearly what you want be to do.

Thanks and kind regards,

Awaiting for your urgent response,

Omar N. Ogbonna

Akebe ville Libreville Gabon

Tel: xx

Fax xx

Where's the damn sign!???? Well, it will be coming but in the meantime I got busy with my day job but didn't want Omar to think I had forgotten him so I fired this of in his direction.

Subject: Just a quick not to let you know I havent forgotten about you
From: "Katrina Peters"
Date: Thu, November 6, 2003 12:28 pm
To: Omar

Dear Omar,

Everything is going smooth and I wanted to let you know I have been out of hte office traveling between Houston and Dallas.

Katrina Peters
VicePresident Sales
Australian-American Oilator, Ltd.

Subject: Good morning my dear Katrina
From: Omar Ntoum
Date: Fri, November 7, 2003 10:16 am
To: Katrina Peters

My dear Ktrina,

Thanks for your information/guideline, kindly consider it done.

But kindly be patience enough to receive it on Monday after noon as no work for me Saturday/Sunday is always a special day for me praying and fasting.

Concerning the warehouse, I have hired few labourers and they are on it even now I am writing you. My dear to be frank with this transaction is causing me great expenses. But never mind I pray that success will be our day light.

My dear Katrina, why have you failed to give me little of your kind of person?

Thanks and kind regards, with good health always,

Omar Ogbonna

A couple days went bye it was the weekend. Oh well, let's see what Omar is up to now. Omar sends the first set of photo's which are not acceptable.

Subject: Have a nice day Ms Katrina.
From: Omar Ntoum
Date: Mon, November 10, 2003 8:46 am
To: Katrina Peters

My dear Katrina,

Glory is to God and happy Monday.

I have completed the assignment this morning, but my annoying thing is that the picture are not clear to my wish therefore if you still need another ones I am oblige to it ok.

Meanwhile, I have already told the photographer that I am not satisfied about the pictures.

Therefore if you view it good then we can manage it.

Please my dear, remember my last message and kindly give me response.

Thanks and kind regards with good health always,

Omar.

I want to tell Omar he is on the right track but the photo's simply must be done over because you need to be able to read the company logo.

Subject: Re: Have a nice day Ms Katrina.
From: "Katrina Peters"
Date: Mon, November 10, 2003 2:20 pm
To: Omar

Hi Omar!

Glad to hear you enjoyed your weekend.

Received your photographs and everyone here loves the setting but you were correct they need to be more clear.

The board approved your contract late Friday and I will be getting it to you yet today or when I get back this evening. In fact I will try calling you this evening so we can go over the next step.

Take care and do send those photos as soon as possible because we want to update the site on Friday and we need the photos before then.

Katrina Peters
Vice President Sales
Australian-American Oilator, Ltd.

For our viewing pleasure and merriment Omar is excited when he tells Katrina to look at the next set of pictures which, we will all agree, are much, much better!

Subject: My dear Katrina please take a look picture A/B/C
From: Omar Ntoum
Date: Wed, November 12, 2003 2:45 pm
To: Katrina Peters

Katrina writes back asking Omar to be double quick in getting his I AM A DILDO photo's in. This email and the one above crossed at about the same time so our boy is on the ball!

Subject: Re: Have a nice day Ms Katrina.
From: "Katrina Peters"
Date: Mon, November 10, 2003 2:20 pm
To: Omar

Hi Omar!

Glad to hear you enjoyed your weekend.

Received your photographs and everyone here loves the setting but you were correct they need to be more clear.

Take care and do send those photos as soon as possible because we want to update the site on Friday and we need the photos before then.

Katrina Peters
Vice President Sales
Australian-American Oilator, Ltd.

We At Australian-American Oilator Are Proud To Display A Fine Set Of Photo's! Omar wants to know if I received the photo's and approve. Of course I approve, I think they were excellent!

Subject: I need your urgent confirmation.
From: Omar Ntoum
Date: Thu, November 13, 2003 12:36 pm
To: Katrina Peters

My dear Katrina,

Kindly confirm me if you received my last pictures attachment which I have sent to you.

Regards,

Omar Ogbonna.

I got busy and couldn't take care of Omar like I should have but there is always the technical excuse that I offered up along with Omar's favorite topic... money! Talk money to a lad and he'll forget every everything else.

Subject: Re: I need your urgent confirmation.
From: "Katrina Peters"
Date: Thu, November 13, 2003 9:29 pm
To: Omar

Dear Omar,

Sorry for the horrible delay our email servers AND OUR PHONE SYSTEM have been down for most of 24 hours and just came back up. In the United States, our servers are located in the United States, there was a huge wind storm that knocked over trees and downed many powerlines which resulted in outages all over the country.

It has been very frustrating to say the least and now I have a ton of email to catch back up on.

Your photo's were simply excellent you came through for us with exactly waht we needed. I have your contract on my desk and you would have received it by now if only we had not lost power. Rest assured you are the next item I am working on and we will get this all settled out in short order.

Let me get this done for you and I will write again later on tonight and we'll get the rest of the material in order along with scheduling the first shipment and then you are expecting a check to cover the warehouse expenses.

What bank do you use or what is the best way to pay you your money?

Well, take care and I will get back to you again with the contract in a few hours.

Katrina Peters
Vice President Sales
Australian-American Oilator, Ltd.

Australian-American is a large corporation so when Katrina gets called away from the office Arnie Nogg, a man Omar has never heard about before, drops him this line to "keep him in the loop". Again, we talk about money.

Subject: Katrina asked that I make sure this was sent out
From: "Arnie N. Nogg"
Date: Fri, November 14, 2003 7:00 pm
To: Omar

Dear Omar,

Katrina Peters is out of the office for the rest of the week spending time in Dallas attending to the J. R. Ewing account but she left a note asking me that I foreward the attached agreement to you as soon as it was delivered to her desk.

She told me she will be back in the office tomorrow (she often works on weekends) and will get the rest of your account in order with payment arrangements.

We at Australian-American Oilator welcome you to our team with hopes this will be a profitable venture for all concerned.

Very truly yours,

Arnie N. Nogg
Comptroller
Australian-American Oilator, Ltd.

Omar writes back in reference to his secondary scam and gives me that I am supposed to wire money. Bullshit! No money will be wired to Omar but what he doesn't know is he is going to have to travel to Lagos to get it.

Subject: From Omar
From: Omar Ntoum Omar
Date: Sat, November 15, 2003 1:43 pm
To: Katrina Peters

My dear Katrina,

I am really very sorry towards the undesirable event that took place in your Company.

I pray that God Almighty will never allow such predicament to occur again.

Thanks for your confirmation regarding the pictures/contract agreement.

Today I have received the signed copies through Arnie N. Nogg, to be frank I am 100% happy to be one among you. Please, kindly extend my greetings to Mr Richard and all other members, for their mutual love towards me. May Almighty God promote the image and aim of all the organizers, workers and external members of Australia/American Oillator.

Meanwhile, regarding the account as requested, I will like you to send the amount through T/T direct to the bellow account number.

BANQUE INTERNATIONALE POUR LE COMMERCE

ET LINDUSTRIE DU GABON (BICIG)

Siège Social : Avenue du Colonel Parant Libreville.

(République Gabonaise)

SERVICE : 31

CAISSE : 03

COMPTE : 33 (Account number)

No OPE: 000 54

Above is the bank/account in which you should send the money.

I have spent a lot now, but am happy that it is not in vain. Hence our aim is going to be achieved by the grace of God.

About the Diamond, I still never receive your comment towards that why?

Awaiting for your prompt reaction,

Omar.